Un. Motivated.

So, I think I might have mentioned it before, but I’ve been in the mortgage industry for the last 4-ish years.  If you’ve even flipped past a news station in the last several months, I’m sure you’re fully aware what a crock of shit the market is right now.  The company that I was working for at the beginning of the year did a pretty big layoff  in April that left me job-less (and the entire company has since shut down for good).  Within a very short period of time, I found a position with a new company and everything seemed great.  The people were awesome and it was literally a BLOCK from my apartment. 

Not long after I started there, I began to see some problems with the small company.  The market has changed so much and you have to conduct business differently to survive during these times.  Things were pretty slow, and being a processor means that you get paid based on the number of files that close.  Since that number wasn’t high enough to produce an income that I could live off of, I was also collecting unemployment as a supplement (I was getting paid under the table).  Now, I know that’s not the most honest thing to do, but if I didn’t, the bills wouldn’t have gotten paid. 

What I haven’t really talked about is that company I was most recently working for has sort of closed.  My boss says that he’s found a new office he wants to move into and start things back up, but the date that this is supposed to happen keeps getting pushed further and further out.  Needless to say, I’ve been looking for a new job for the last month or so.  Which SUCKS.  First of all, there are hardly any jobs in the mortgage industry.  With companies shutting down left and right, there are very few available positions and the market is SO saturated with people looking for work that it’s nearly impossible to get a response.  I don’t even think that I want to stay in the mortgage industry at this point, but anything else that I’d have shot at getting hired for pays about 1/3 of what I’m used to making.  And that’s hard to swallow.

I’ve worked since I was 14, and full time since 17.  It feels unnatural to sit at home and not have somewhere to be and things to do every day.  I’m sick of perusing the job ads that don’t offer anything enticing.  And half of the ones that I’ve responded to are some weird front for internet pyramid schemes.  Annoying!  I actually got a call yesterday about a mortgage position, but haven’t even had the motivation to call back yet.  You’d think that I would be all over it and returning the call immediately.  What is wrong with me?  I just have NO motivation.  I could at least spend my days doing projects around the house or going to the gym or SOMETHING.  But instead, I sit in front of theTV or computer and space out most days.  AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!